A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.
- James Dent
My wife's a water sign. I'm an earth sign. Together we make mud.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Everyone has these on their face?
Tulips
What gets bigger the more you take away?
A hole.
What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back with a hinge in it.
- Charles Dudley Warner
Bulb: potential flower buried in autumn, never to be seen again.
- Henry Beard
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They are difficult to get started , emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.
- Author Unknown
What do you call a mushroom who buys everyone drinks and is the life of the party?
A fun-gi.
Why don't you ever iron a four leaf clover?
You might press your luck.
- Elaine Valvezan
| If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims
I think, therefore I Yam.
- Ratbert
What insect is musical?
A humbug.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
- Doug Larson
I always though a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn.
- C.E. Cowman
What do you get when you cross a canary and a lawn mower?
Shredded Tweet.
What is the difference between boogers and spinach?
You can't get your kids to eat spinach.
What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming
Where did the vegetables go to have a few drinks?
The Salad Bar
Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don't loose much weight but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.
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